Almost 365 days later….

Filed in Encouragement, Grace, Grief, Updates by on November 15, 2017

DSC_0218This coming Saturday seemed a million miles away a year ago.

I never thought I could make it one single day and now it has nearly been 365 days.

I close my eyes and I can still feel the hollow emptiness I felt as I got in the car and left the hospital that night in total and utter shock of the events that had just occurred in the moments just before.

I remember the loneliness I felt as I opened up the kids toys at their birthday party just hours later all alone for the first time at an event we had been talking about for months.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted it just be a bad dream.

But I never woke up because I wasn’t asleep. It was my new reality.

A new reality I didn’t want and I begged God to change.

A new reality I have struggled to figure out and still trying to figure out as so much of life didn’t make sense anymore and seemed to have no purpose.

But I can’t help but look back at the almost 365 days and be overwhelmed with God’s goodness. His graciousness, and be beyond thankful for all of the many undeserved good gifts that He has so lavishly poured out on my life. Every single step of the way, God has provided. He has provided for me financially. He has provided relationships and friendships that I never had before. He has provided direction and open doors. He has provided healing. He has provided lots of love and laughter and fun times, trips with friends, so much joy even in the every day. He has provided a church, a small group and places to serve. He has provided people to pray with and for me and just so much more.

He has provided.

And He has also provided everything in perfect timing and He has given me the time that I needed every step that I had to take to be at a place that I was ready to take it. And I know He will continue to do so in all the steps I will continue to take in the days, weeks and months to come.

These kinds of “anniversaries” seem to bring unexpected emotions…and some days have been more emotional than others as a deeper level of reality seems to take grip in your heart. But it is also a time to reflect and be thankful. My heart is overflowing with so many blessings that so much of my emotional days now are because of how good God has been, how much love people give to me on a daily basis and how God continues to use even me…even me…even during such a difficult season. I truly am so thankful.

The past year was unexpected. It has been hard. It has been full of twists and turns that I never thought I could survive. But here I am, almost 365 days later, not because of me, but only….. only because of Jesus.

“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:31-33

Comments (2)

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  1. Andy Armento says:

    We are still praying for you. Sophie is a constant reminder of you in our home. God bless.