Random Ramblings on the Journey

Filed in Charles, Christian Walk, Grief, Life by on June 11, 2017

FB_IMG_1497241337838When Charles and I were at the beginning of our relationship and trying to make plans to meet, some things came up that made me believe it wasn’t going to happen. And I was devastated.

I was so upset as I drove home from clinicals and I felt the only place I could go was to my Nana’s. And so I did.

And I sat there in her bedroom in her rocking chair and cried and cried and used up an entire box of Kleenex I believe. And she listened. And she finally said, “Well Spring, do you believe Charles is the one God has for you?” “Yes”, I replied. For which she said, “I believe so too and I know all of this will work itself out.” And it did of course :).

I made another visit to see her today. I had gone to Denman for church, went to eat lunch and then headed out to see her. She has been sick this week but she is back now at the nursing home and doing well. I found myself once again sitting in front of her crying. She once again offered me a box of tissue as she knew, as only she could know, what my tears were from.
It was great to be back at Denman and seereceived_1924035371207917O so many wonderful friends and faces that I have missed and loved so much! One of which is my super precious friend, Michelle in the picture. But there were two people missing from the crowd, Bro. Kevin and Tana.

It was just a year or so ago Charles and I were leaving the courthouse downtown when I got the call from my mom that Bro. Kevin had gone on to heaven. I was so distraught and upset. Charles knew how much Bro. Kevin had meant to me and he was so supportive. Charles was such a steady rock that day, as he always was even as we continued on to eat at Firehouse Subs as I continued to sob. He wasn’t feeling good either and would end up in the hospital in just a couple of days.

It’s hard to look back on that day and know that now, Charles is no longer here as well. I think that is what also makes it so hard.

The last time I was in that sanctuary at Denman that I sat in the back of today trying to quietly entertain my daughter was when I was down at the front at the alter saying our vows. It’s just almost unreal to think through all the life that has happened since then. All of the life that has happened personally and at the church.

I have cried many tears today and have cried even more writing this. But as I cried driving down the road as we headed towards Arkansas, the song Blessings came on the radio that I used in my blog just last night. I haven’t heard it on the radio in awhile. But it was a much needed reminder of what I just wrote only hours before. It’s hard to remember those truths when the rain is pouring so hard on my heart but the light of His truth always seems to pierce the darkness as only He can.

Life is Hard. Loss is great. But….

But God is still good.

It’s hard to be the ones left behind. I miss Charles every second and every single moment of every single day but I once again have to choose to remember to trust the Lord. Be thankful for the time I had both at Denman with such a great staff and the best boss and the lessons I learned, as well as the time I had with the best husband and the God given unconditional love that we shared.

It’s easy to get lost in loss, but I must choose to look to the Lord for what He has in store for the future.

I’m thankful for my Nana. She will turn 91 this year. And though she joined our family when I was 8, there have been so many times she has always given me so much wisdom and poured so much faith into my life. She lived such an example of faith and service to the Lord and still does even at the nursing home. She has faithfully and still faithfully prays for me and my family and so many countless others every day and I have been so blessed because of that. Love you, Nana.

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