The Unwanted Gift

Filed in Christian Walk, Encouragement, Grief, Legacy, Life by on July 1, 2017

I’m single again and I don’t want to be.

But we don’t always get what we want in life. 

And It’s not about getting what we want, it’s about using what we get.

When I was single before, it would have been easy to get stuck. Stuck on what I didn’t have. Stuck on what I wanted. 

But instead, God wove into my heart a desire to use the time that I had, whether it was for a few months, a few years or a lifetime, to use that time of being single as a gift. I knew that if I were to ever get married that my time would no longer be my own and I wouldn’t have the time that I had when I was single. And I wanted to use this “gift” for all that I could.

That is why when asked point blank a few years later by a previous pastor of our church if it was “hard” for me to live the life I was living and give up all that I had given up, I could easily and freely say, “no”. No, it wasn’t hard, because I had done all that I needed to do in that season, and now I was in a new season. A new season of giving. A new season of commitment.

And now, I am single again.

I don’t want to be. And sometimes I want to imagine my husband is still at home waiting for me to get back. I want to look down and see the dazzle of my wedding bands that once sparkled on my fingers as a constant reminder of an amazing love of the most wonderful man. I want to have him here to share life with, to be my encourager and “person” and to live life with and dream with and get wisdom from. I miss having his shoulder to cry on and someone who was always there to support me. I miss having someone whose thoughts and passions and desires were so in sync with my own that we finished each other’s sentences sometimes before we even started the sentence and knew why we did what we did even better than we knew ourselves. I miss living life with someone who you have an unexplainable bond that only God could give, and a love so unconditional that you can’t explain it and you don’t even understand it. 

I don’t want to be sailing this ship on my own, trying to decide how to raise my kids on my own. I want even the simple things like the never ending discussion on Sundays after church about where we are going to eat lunch, the one that goes, “Where do you want to go to lunch?” “I don’t know, wherever you want to go.” “Well, I want to go where you want to go.” 

But we don’t always get what we want. 

So…. my prayer is once again that God will use this season in my life; that He will use this unexpected and unwanted “gift.” 

Whether it’s for a few months, a few years or a lifetime. This time where there are no other demands of my attention besides my children when I am home. This season where I can stay up as late as I want and have no one waiting for me in bed and I can edit bible studies and write blogs late into the night. This season…. of dependence that can be spent in God’s Word and leaning on Him for my every need. This season of loneliness that can be spent on praying and doing for others that I may not have the opportunity or insight to do.

I don’t want to get stuck. Life is too short. Too many do not know the Lord. It’s about using what we get and not focusing on what we don’t have. 

I don’t know what unexpected and unwanted “gifts” have come your way. Maybe it is a season of unemployment. Maybe it is sickness, infertility or loneliness… loss of a friend, etc… I have no idea but God knows. My prayers is that we will all turn to Him to use these gifts that He has allowed in our lives for His glory. 

Lord, that is my simple prayer. Use me as you see fit for Your eternal purpose. Amen.

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